The 4000 Times I Fell in Love with You
by MedJuris1
Summary: A tribute to Jane and Maura and the wonderful fan fiction writers and readers who believe in Rizzles. The show may end, but Rizzles forever.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have enjoyed so many of your fan fictions and this is my way of saying thank you. I will try to update as soon as possible. This won't be a long fic. Thank you in advance for any comments or favs that you offer. I truly and sincerely appreciate every one of them. Over 4000 fics for this couple. That tells you how beloved they are. I'll miss them.

 _And then there was this time, Maur, that I was an old western stagecoach robber and you were a woman doctor, which was a very rare thing back then. They called me - get this - Calamity Jane! Can you believe it? Anyway, we fell in love. It was a great love. That dream even had a sequel._

The contradiction of Jane's smile and the tear that was falling down her face could not be missed. The beeping of hospital equipment and Maura's still presence dulled some of the pleasant memories of Jane's dreams. Only now, with the uncertainty of Maura continuing to be with her and being unable to understand anything Jane was saying, did Jane have the courage to talk about what she was and what she wanted.

There was something comforting about letting it all out there, though. Giving voice to the intensity of her secret love - the one that had invaded her sleep nearly every night for so many years. Over and over again, her mind would fill with countless love stories between them.

It was as if thousands of poets, writers, readers and romantics paid tribute to them every night in her dreams.

 _There were dreams like this, too, Maur. One of us would get hurt or something, and the other would then confess their love. I was in a horrible train wreck in one dream. You all thought I was among the dead. It was such an amazing comeback for me and us. You helped heal me in that dream. We had a very happy ending. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a happy ending, now._

The past 10 days had been the hardest of Jane's life. Yes, she rescued Maura from her captors, but not before she was severely wounded. As the days went on, Maura's chances of survival and quality of life were still in question.

 _I was a superhero in some of my dreams... a werewolf in others! I have traveled through space and time. But no matter what I became, you were always my perfect mate. The one I belonged with. The one my foolish self found her way to._

Jane rose from the chair. It was getting late and she knew she couldn't stay in the hospital another night. Maura's condition was such that she was not in immediate danger and so Jane would make her way home.

 _I will be back tomorrow, Maur. I hope you are getting a kick out of my crazy love. I swear if you wake up, I will tell you how I feel. I will do anything you ask._

For the first night in over 10 days Jane slept peacefully. Perhaps it was the series of old dreams that ran through her mind; like a rerun marathon of her favorite television shows. Jane and Maura raising children. Bass and Jo Friday conspiring to matchmake their humans. If not them, then that big lughead, Giovanni Gilberti.

The waking up wasn't as good though. She was alone with the reminder that she had been mistaken in thinking she had all the time in the world to tell Maura about her feelings. Hopefully today would be the day that she would finally get the chance to say and do what she should have said and done so long ago.

Coffee in hand, Jane makes her way to her desk for what would probably be another non-productive day at the office. Usually her job is the one place she can retreat to to find some inner peace from any demons that have been conjured up in her, but not this time. Being here is a reminder of the 2 weeks spent trying desparately to find Maura, only to discover her in the condition she is in now.

Even worse, Jane has nothing to _do_ about what happened. She is glad she caught the bastard that hurt Maura, but now she has nothing else to get mad at. Nothing to take her frustrations out on, except...

"Frankie, if you try to touch that second donut I will widdle your fingers down using nothing but a nail file," Jane threatened. She never moved her gaze from her computer, but she could still take in Frankie's threat to her unhealthy breakfast.

What she wouldn't give to hear Maura's stilletos making their way over to her to berate her about her food choice. There may have been a dream or two about that, also. The thought made her smile a little.

"Geez, Janie. I know you are upset about Maura, but you gotta lighten up a bit. I am sorry, but for the last 10 days you have been quite intolerable," Frankie commented - realizing he was at risk of receiving actual physical harm.

But Jane was too tired. Too low to put up much of a fight about something she was sure he was right about anyway. "I'm sorry, little brother. This is just harder for me than you know," She said. For a brief moment she wondered what he may think of that comment, but then again she didn't care.

She seemed to get her answer when he responded, "Jane, I know, more you than realize perhaps, just how important Maura is to you. You just remember to do something about it when she wakes up," and with that, Frankie left to get his own donut.

Jane was a little stunned at first. What exactly did Frankie mean? Part of her wanted to go after him to find out; to make some kind of excuse or lie if he actually guessed correctly about what was going on. After all, that is what she would have done before. She would have denied her romantic interest in Maura until her last breath.

But not today.

It should have never been that way. And today was as good a day as any to start owning it.

 _... So, yeah, I was a pirate, Maur. Arrgg! Of course, you were doctor from a wealthy family. I just realized that in my dreams I am usually the hero. What a foolish thing when you think about it, since you have saved me so many times. Not just physically, but emotionally saved me._

 _These silly dreams, Maur, they allowed me to have the kind of life with you that I wanted so badly. Did you catch that, Maur? I used Mr. Adverb.._

 _Jane looked up at Maura and smiled at her own comment, but Maura's expressionless face and closed eyes stole her joy._

 _Maura, I want to have a real life story with you. I have no idea what you will think about all of this when you find out, but find out you will._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you so much for your responses, follows, and favs for this little fiction. I am pretty sure that ALL authors smile when they get notified that some kind person took the time to like or review one of their stories. I appreciate it a lot. To the anonymous reviewer who asked about the title of one of the fictions I mentioned to in the first chapter… you may be talking about Bass Isles: Matchmaker. Just a guess. Also, I may not get every fiction I loved in this story… but I still appreciate every person who shared.

 _Some of the dreams are kinda fuzzy, but I do remember one about us raising elephants or being elephants or something? That was a particularly good dream. Really, any dream where things worked out with you was a good dream. Some of my dreams drove me crazy! They were literally "to be continued" and who knew how long it would be until I got the rest of the story. But then there were stories that were updated daily! Bless their hearts._

Jane laughed as she looked over at Maura, but then her laughter immediately stopped. Until that point, she really had not entertained the thought that Maura may not get any better. Any time such a concept crossed her mind she simply discarded it. But now - sitting beside Maura whose condition hadn't changed at all - Jane was filled with a sudden and intense fear.

What if this amazing life is really ending? How would she go on? How could she ever forgive herself for not getting to Maura in time? Jane's heart hurt. Obviously the pain of losing Maura would be unbearable, but she wasn't sure that she would survive the guilt.

"She is still beautiful; my little girl."

The voice from behind her startled Jane who immediately turned around. Constance Isles stood by the door with her eyes fixed on her daughter. It took Constance several days to get to Boston after she was finally informed of the situation. She dropped everything, but distance and weather made it difficult.

"Hi Constance," Jane said as she rose to her feet and motioned to her chair. She briefly wondered if Constance had just overheard her speaking with Maura. "Please sit. I am glad you made it. Would you like some time alone with Maura? Or maybe you have questions? Would you like me to get the doctor? Or maybe.."

"Jane," Constance interrupted her rambling, "I would like for you to sit here with me. Please."

Constance's plea caused Jane to take in a deep breath. Constance was one strong woman. She didn't show a lot of emotion, even toward Maura. But the person standing in front of her now was not _the_ Constance Isles, famed artist and philanthropist, but a mother.

"Of course, Constance. I am really very sorry. I would never want her to get hurt and I swear I did everything I knew to do to get to her back safely, but…" Jane couldn't continue. Her eyes filling with tears as she looked down at the ground.

"Jane, I am just too tired and too concerned about my daughter to worry about blaming you for this. And, after all, you _did_ get her back. And for that, her father and I thank you. He will be arriving tomorrow, and I am sure he will tell you the same. You made quite an impression the first time he met you, Jane. We both know you would do anything to protect our daughter." Constance responded. Her words spoken with honesty.

Jane and Constance sat quietly for a few moments before Constance broke the silence. "You know, Jane, I spoke with your mother before I came here. You may not be aware, but she and I have become unlikely friends. We figured that you are Maura are so close, like family, that she and I better get to know one another better," Constance confessed. "It's obvious to us where the two of you belong."

Her direct gaze on Jane made the detective feel like _she_ was being interrogated and that Constance could see right through her.

Jane was in shock. She had no idea that Constance and her mother had become so close. Why didn't her mother tell her about this? Did Maura know this? For the rest of their time at Maura's bedside Jane continued to process this information even as she and Constance talked about Maura and her condition. Jane didn't ask Constance to elaborate on what she was alluding to. Why bother? She was owning it anyway.

The situation was still very odd and confusing to her; however, and later she would confide in Maura.

 _I had no idea, Maur, that our mothers have become BFFs! You know, I had some dreams about our mothers. Your mother, well, you know how open-minded she is. She was almost always trying to get us to hook up. Once on a boat … the Serendipity. If it wasn't your mother, it was mine. I guess that is why this information about our moms talking behind our backs feels like deja vous._

Jane sat pondering what all of this meant. Frost and now Maura's mother. Her own unquenchable desire to come clean about her feelings. Why would this be the time for all of this to come spilling out? One thing was clear to Jane, her feelings for Maura seemed to be more obvious to others than she thought.

But what about Maura? Jane wondered if it had been obvious to her, too. Maybe she suspected Jane was interested in her, but just didn't feel the same. Jane knew that that kind of thinking would lead her to do what she had done so many times before – withhold her feelings from Maura.

But not this time. She absolutely knew that she would tell Maura this time. She had to. If there is one thing that this experience has taught her, it's that she may never get the chance again. Jane knew that real life is not a dream. She was keenly aware that some people never go home to their loved ones.

All she wanted was one more chance to let Maura know that she is the most loved person in the world. Just one more.

 _I wonder if I should tell you about these dreams when you wake up, or should I just tell you how I feel? I haven't given much thought to how you may handle this news. Of course, I want you to fall into my arms, plant a huge kiss on me and tell me that you feel the same way. That's how it goes in my dreams._

Jane smiled.

 _Maybe I should tell you about some of the more M-rated dreams, now! Up until this point we have stayed with the T and K. I could never tell you these things if you were awake. Let's just say that you and I have tried EVERYTHING at least once. Gadgets, leather, and role-playing. Hell, we even had sex in car after I traveled back from the future to save your life!_

 _Jane wiggled her eyebrows at a motionless Maura. You didn't know I had it in me, did you?_

Jane blushed. Recalling these dreams would make her night at the hospital go by nicely or torturously, depending on how you look at it.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you so much for all of your reviews and favs. Very kind of you. It has been really fun for me.. going through my memory of all the great fics people have written. Thanks for your questions about the names of the fics that I am mentioning. I will certainly reply to you with the titles if I still remember them.

 _I know it is probably just my imagination, Maur, but I could swear your heartrate went up when I described that LAST dream. It was pretty hot wasn't it? God, I remember it like it was yesterday. I think my favorite dreams are the ones where you somehow pursue me. So a dream where you literally share your diary of Jane with me that was filled with explicit stories about us is definitely on my list of favorites._

Jane wondered if she was the only person in history to get turned on in an ICU with an unconscious person beside her. She was a little ashamed to think about it and the thought made her sigh. Perhaps she was losing her mind.

 _And you were worried I might be a prude, Maur. Geez. All I can think about are dreams of you being Casey's proxy and him realizing we are actually in love. Sexy, naughty times for sure, Maura._ Jane shook her head.

 _Perhaps I need to visit the chapel._

Jane laughed in spite of the weird circumstances. In all honesty, she enjoyed sharing these dreams with Maura even if she had no clue what Jane was saying. They represented the reality of what Jane wanted. She already had Maura's love and companionship; she would have that forever.

What she wanted, and what these dreams represented, was something much different. The way Jane seen it, her waking mind simply couldn't hold all of the passion and desire she had for Maura and it spilled over into her dreams. She wanted Maura in every way imaginable, and she would no longer keep it in.

 _I have to run now, Maur. Korsak and his band are playing at the Dirty Robber. I would rather stay with you, but I know it is good for me to go. I love you. Please. Try as hard as you can to come back. Even if you don't want to be by my side. Please, don't give up._

"So, why are you so quiet, Korsak? You did great tonight. I am the one that has been a deadbeat for a while," Jane half-joked. She was actually nervous about why Korsak seemed so serious.

After finishing his sets and the bar clearing out, Jane and Korsak found themselves sitting quietly nursing a couple of beers. A stereo system playing quietly in the background was the only noise.

"I really appreciate you coming out tonight, Jane. I know you have a lot on your mind," Korsak answered, his look of empathy being so genuine that it made Jane feel safe.

Perhaps it was that safety that made the following words soar out of her mouth uninvited, "I am in love with Maura." As soon as she said it her hand flew up to her mouth. She had no idea where they came from. It was as if the words had had been sitting in her mouth for 6 years and would no longer allow themselves to be restrained.

It was Korsak's reaction that not only made her feel safer than before, but was almost like they had had this conversation already and this was some type of follow-up. His face showing no element of surprise or judgement.

"I really hope you get to tell her. I know you didn't, because your relationship wouldn't be as it is now. The whole squad would be calling you something like Rizzles by now," Korsak said, laughing at his own joke.

Jane swatted his arm and failed to suppress a laugh. Although he made a joke, it was clear that Korsak was serious about accepting and supporting this love.

"I really hope so, too," Jane said, her face becoming more serious. She simply couldn't smile at the thought of never being able to.

Korsak reached out his hand and placed it on top of Jane's; something he had never done in all the years they had been partners and friends. Jane noticed the feel of his hand on her scar at the same time he did and they both looked down at it.

Nobody in this world had ever seen Jane in such an emotionally vulnerable state than Korsak did in that basement. How ironic that it would be him with her again, only this time her emotional vulnerability was beyond description.

"Jane, you and I have obviously been through a lot together. And I can't imagine what this is like for you. But I believe in my heart that if Maura pulls through this your life will never be the same. And I mean that in a good way. Just hang on," Korsak finished.

Jane's feet led her back to the hospital although she had not intended on going. It was way too late for a visit, but being a detective had some perks she wouldn't deny herself. She needed to see Maura just for a few moments.

 _Maura, tonight was the first night I told someone directly that I am in love with you. Korsak. I don't know what happened. One minute we were quietly drinking beer and the next minute I turned the bar into a confessional._

Jane shook her head at her own behavior. She wasn't the type to express herself like that to anyone - let alone someone like Vince Korsak – but by now she was pretty sure that she would be changing in a lot of ways. She was hoping it would be with Maura.

 _You may be wondering when I fell in love with you. I really don't remember. Some of my dreams place me realizing it at the moment that we had that confrontation with Hoyt at the prison infirmary. One of my favorite lines in a dream that I had was when you were telling me that you loved me, too. You said, "I have loved you since the day I fixed your nose." I have never forgotten it. Every time I think of that moment I still smile remembering my favorite line._

Jane sat quietly for several more minutes and held Maura's hand. She realized that there wasn't a single feature about Maura that she was privileged to know as a friend that she didn't remember by heart. What she wouldn't give to hear her voice again. The one that said "I love you, Jane" in her dreams more times that she could count.

 _Maura, I am not giving up on you or us. I believe that you love me, too. I believe it because I feel it everywhere. This whole thing is very unexpected, but it's good. I'll see you tomorrow._

Jane lay in bed looking at the ceiling without much running through her mind. Oh, her brain was working, but it was working in the background. She was never able to describe how her mind solved cases, until one night when she had a dream that described it in this way.

Somewhere in her mind she was processing all of the changes that had occurred in her life within the last two weeks. More specifically, the changes that had happened within herself. What was interesting was that she wasn't flooded with fear anymore. She was flooded with hope.

All she needed was Maura.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So sorry that it took so long to update. And this may be a little short. Have been traveling due to family health issues. I will try to keep on track here, but I am also going on vacation next week. I promise to update when I can. I thought this would be over by now, but apparently Jane has more to say. Also, I can't express how much I appreciate every comment, every fav, and every follow. It's awesome. Read on.

 _I sure wish you were with me now. I have so many more stories and plots about our life together that I would love to share with you. Did you know I was an online fiction writer? That's hilarious considering I flunked English Comp I. And then there was that time I was a Secret Service Agent. It feels like I have lived thousands of lives with you, but I would settle for one. Just one, Maura._

Jane was talking in full throat. When she first started coming to the hospital, she would only talk to Maura in whispers. When she would recite her dreams she would monitor how loud she got, but not anymore. Jane held conversations with Maura. So what if someone came in while she was declaring her love?!

"Ahem." Jane heard from behind her and turned to see her mother standing in the doorway. Perfect timing as usual.

Without so much as an acknowledgement, Jane immediately turned back toward Maura. Why should she greet her mother? From Jane's perspective her mother had not come to see Maura since she was admitted to the hospital. Jane had been so busy either being at work or at the hospital that she didn't even go to the café to confront her mother.

To be honest, she didn't notice at first because she was so upset. Then, as the days passed, it became more obvious that Angela was avoiding Maura, and by doing that she was avoiding Jane.

Angela walked over and quietly sat beside Jane. She was not clueless and realized that Jane was upset with her. Together they remained in silence until Angela finally spoke.

"I actually think Maura has a little more color in her face?" Angela said. "Maybe that is a good sign." Angela looked to be studying Maura, while Jane turned to study her.

"How would you know that, Ma? You haven't been here at all. Don't you even care?" Jane scolded.

In most situations Jane wouldn't speak like that to Angela. She might talk back at her mother, but not like that. She was bordering on disrespect.

"I have been here every day Jane Clementine Rizzoli," Angela snapped. "I am your mother. I love you, but don't you speak to me that way. My heart is breaking, t..," Angela last sentence got caught in her throat and she didn't even try to continue.

Jane couldn't understand. She had never seen her mother there and she was there every day. How could they have not seen one another?

"Ma, how is it possible that you were here every day?" Jane questioned. Jane knew it was the truth because her mother wouldn't lie about something like that, but how?

"I knew you hated to leave her even for a minute, but had to go to work. So, I got permission to come over here every day and have lunch with Maura. It took some sweet talking, but we worked it out. Besides, I had some things I needed to talk to Maura about," Angela answered. "I apologize for not calling. I have just been really tired when I get home."

Now Jane was thoroughly confused. What could her mother possibly need to talk to Maura about? Never mind the fact that Maura couldn't hear her!

"Ma.. I don't under.." Jane didn't get to complete her sentence. Angela held up her hand to silence her. To this day it still bothers Jane that she shuts up when her mother does that.

"Jane, I owe you an apology just like I owed Maura an apology. At first I denied the whole thing. Then I simply didn't want to believe it. When I finally did admit to myself something was different between you and Maura, I allowed myself to believe that I was finally doing what you always asked me to do… butt out of your love life. So, I never said anything," Angela paused but was clearly not done.

In the meantime, Jane was dumbfounded. She couldn't believe the words that were coming from her mother's lips. Was she actually saying that she suspected that Jane and Maura had feelings for one another?

"But the truth is, I never said anything because I was uncomfortable and confused," Angela continued.

"I, Angela Rizzoli, have chased you around your entire adult life trying to marry you off, but I failed you when it came to the most important relationship of your life. The one that I _should_ have spoken up about. I should have said I know. I should have said it's okay. I should have said I love you, both," Angela said through tears.

Jane felt emotionally sick. She had never in her life seen her mother in such a state over her. Even when she had been hurt or missing because of her job her mother's reaction was somehow different. But right at that moment what she was seeing was so upsetting that she nearly forgot that they were with Maura.

"Mother," Jane said softly. The word catching Angela's attention immediately since Jane never used it when referring to her. "I wouldn't have been ready. I probably would have lashed out. I would have denied it. Now is when I need you, and here you are," Jane finished and reached for Angela's hand.

For the rest of the evening they would alternate between talking about Maura's condition and life in general. They never spoke about Jane and Maura's relationship anymore. There was no need. It had all been said.

 _Well, Maura, we have our parent's blessing. So, whenever you are ready. You know, if you are not sure if you want to marry me for love then we could enter into this very interesting commitment we made with each other in one my dreams. Come to think about it, I was pretty clueless during most of that dream, too. Glad I am finally getting my act together._

Jane sat in the hospital for a little while longer. She was hoping that if Maura was somehow aware of her presence that she would know that Jane was with her as often as she could be. No matter how many days went by, Jane couldn't believe that this was over. Maura had to get better.

Her very own life seemed to depend on it.


End file.
